The Day Before

Good evening folks
Well the weather is very Scottish today…..what else is to be expected in Shotts which funnily enough is in Scotland, I hate this damp cold weather as it does not help one bit with my chronic pain!!
I was at the hospital last week and was informed that the pain I have now is going to be here for the rest of my life, at 30 years old that is not the best news to hear!!when the Dr told me I wished that what I have was life threatening! hard to say that but when all you do constantly think about is the pain that you suffer you kinda wish there was something at the end. Any way i start a new addition to my medication tomorrow which is morphine, I am at the crossroads where I need to try every type of pain relief that they throw at me. Its will be hard as so far it aint been easy and when i say that I do not mean just me, in the background of me suffering from this horrible CRPS there is my partner Jennifer who has had to nurse me and work a full-time job. Not that hard to many of you reading this but look at it from my view-point: Jennifer has to take all my mood swings deal with me being very low that when she goes to work all she does is worry about me, when she comes home after a hard days work she has to then come home and deal with what ever mood I’m in most of the time im an arsehole but I don’t think it’s really me who is being the moody bastard I often think my CRPS is causing me to be like that…..well i was never an arsehole before….stop sniggering up the back!.
I find it amazing how in 2012 there is still no cure for chronic pain other that keep trying other prescription drugs, yet they can treat alcoholics and junkies! Dont get me wrong medical science has advanced so much I say so much I believe if my Mum ( died in 1984 with a brain hemorrhage) was still here and suffered the brain hemorrhage today there would have been more of a chance that she would have survived that. I also find it hard to deal with the fact that i suffer so much pain and people think because they see no injury theyre first thought i “he is at it” they might not be but because i used to think like that i think everyone does here is an example. My uncle had sciatica and a few years back had key hole surgery, after he recovered from this i thought to myself well that’s him fixed and why is he still moaning about being in pain if the surgery had fixed this! To this day my uncle still suffers from this pain and now with going through what i go through i fully understand he is in so much pain. I just couldnt believe how ignorant i was to what he was suffering but never again will i disbelieve anyone about pain again.
I called this the day before, it’s the day before i start a new chapter in trying to beat this horrible pain that has taken over my life, yes there are people worse off than me but also there are people who are better off than me too.Thanks for reading

Find me on twitter @maccasixty7

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